Meaningless…

Each time opportunities to serve come, I ask the Lord, not once but twice whether I’m worthy to do it? And He said… I made you worthy my child… it is not of your own doing…but Mine.

I try to do my best, I try to be humble in everything, I try not to seek to be praised, I prepare whenever I travel for mission work… but at that critical moment… when I’m near my destination, I feel the cramps in my stomach and thumping of the heart… I ask the Lord, not once but twice whether I can do it despite doing it many times before… and He said… You won’t do it my child… I’ll do it…

As I make my way home after every mission work, after counseling sessions, after delivering talks or seminars, after inspiring others, after working with the youth or the thirsty churches… I always lay down on my bed looking at the ceiling and cry… Lord, how come I thought I came to bless but I was all the more blessed… Then I just crunch in tears feeling love… and more than ever, I asked the Lord again, not once but twice who really was blessed by whom? And He said… You didn’t get it my child… not your works blessed… but I blessed you and them…

Realizing the whole month of January that it is not about me but it is about God’s transformative power I too was reading the book of Ecclesiastes and everything seems to come together… I felt it somewhere in my stomach, in the midst of my heart and understanding of my mind that's what's happening and what I’m reading are God’s words for me. I simply cry… I cry a lot these days… all I do… all that surrounds me are all meaningless… LESS OF ME…MORE OF HIM…I am meaningless but with Him… everything else becomes something more.