Suffering...

Just as I began to question my suffering, those close to me started to send in their own version of this unbearable word. I didn’t ask them to but in that aching moment I heard their own cries. Why do we have to go through this? Is God still hearing our pleas?

Am I allowed to rant? Am I allowed to complain? Help me to understand. Is it pride when you realize that you care and love but they keep hurting you? Where is the glory when someone tells you they’ve gone numb? Why do others barely hold up to the fact of being apart to loved ones because of essentials in life? What is the happy ending for two people in love yet can’t be together? Why does a good person go through depression because others took her smile away? Why do people tell you they love you but when you change into a different person because of illness they will not even say hi? Why do people come into someone else’s life just to hurt them? Why do people make reasons to be loved but when you get in their boat they leave you out in the cold? Why do people need to forgive someone they loved all their lives but has been deceiving them? What is the reward for a person with unrequited love? Why? Why?

Suffering makes one to somehow lose direction… lose ground… or even lose hope. Suffering raises questions that no one else can answer… It kills every amount of strength that you had somehow stored in. It weakens your soul and makes you lose that grip.

In that very anguished moment, you lie your head on one side of your pillow, numb and with tears falling down, you are silent… and in that very breaking moment… you realize, there is nothing else you can do. You don’t know what else to do… you don’t know how else to ease your every excruciating infliction. You begin gasping for air and realize that only God holds that thin line of life & strength that you have. And that thin line, when held by the mighty comforter is strong enough to get you through days… or months… or years of agonizing moments… you don’t know when it will stop or when will the sun rise again but He keeps you through…

God wants us to always have that moment of dependence on Him…that’s all He asks…we depend on Him not just in heartrending moments but in pleasant ones. Now don’t forget this moment… this moment of hanging only to His heartbeat… because this will keep us holding on….Hold fast… help is on the way…

‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Isaiah 41:10

. pain

Pain pinches the softest muscle of your heart and blocks all the positivities that can encourage your mind. It tells your whole body to stop and to just stare as the whole world around you goes by. It makes you crunch in one corner of the bed and realize you’re starting to love sleeping horizontally on the bed. Sometimes, it makes you think of sleeping and waking up only after 10 years. Pain has the power to introduce to you the word FEAR which you bypassed when all things began. It leads you to doubt until you finally lose all your faith. You try your very best to fight it off but pain seems to creep in every part of your body, every aspect of your life and in every corner of your world.

Pain sucks out every inch of hope and inspiration that has built you and has filled you. It covers all amount of victory you once had and makes you wonder if you’ll get by this once again. Pain seems to overwrite all intelligence, degrees, trainings, and achievement you’ve been busy with. Pain makes you hear nothing. Pain makes you lose your clock.

It makes you come into a fetal position…eyes wide open, staring at the blank wall, mind freezing

… heart slowly crushing and no matter how numb you feel…and how slowly you die down… tears fall.

. Pain