wait 'til it comes... pray 'til it happens...

I’m impatient. I am persistent. I remember when I was still a kid my dad would always say that when I request or ask for something I’ll keep repeating myself. When I grew a little older I heard him telling me the same especially when I remind him of payments in school. When I had my first formal relationship, he said I’m the most overly-eager person he ever met. My girl bestfriend whom I grew up with spiritually said the same thing to me. There seems to be some recurrent theme here. And it proves my first statement. I’m impatient.

For a month now, God has been telling me themes on waiting. I read a book on waiting and a friend suggested I listen to a song that will inspire me to wait. Umm, do I look like that importunate?

But honestly, I’ve never dealt with waiting like this. I’ve never stretched my patience this way. And I’ve never reflected on me this much. I am learning much about myself and the Lord is personally dealing with me. I am dealing with it face to face.

I’m not a prayer warrior. I miss the days when I listen to music, read the bible and pray until I sleep on God’s strong lap or comforting arms. Years and events have passed and those nights are vivid in my mind but I just can’t seem to do it. Was I overtaken by seminary and ministry life? Until I found myself needing that moment again. It is like getting sick and realizing you’ve neglected your vitamins. But please don’t think that I don’t pray. I do! When I had my “retreat in daily life” with a spiritual adviser… I had very critical praying nights… I dialogue with God in the most personal way. But I just don’t have the same intense loving prayer I had years ago when I just listen. These past few months… I’m having them all over again. I am enjoying listening to God and comforting me in many ways… it transforms me. I see it, I feel it and the agonizing pain that comes with it is for me an indication that indeed something is happening in me. I’m learning.

I’m on a journey then I can say. The agony of waiting is painful enough, not to mention the heat I go through just like being molded into silver. The process is hard, the journey is painful. But what made me move on with courage is His comfort and peace. His love, His strength, His grace & His mercy. He is not giving up on me… so I’m not giving up. What a wonderful God.

The most unbelievable thing here for me is to see myself realizing things and actually offering to God in prayer how I’m to do it. It is facing myself and dealing with my own challenging areas. This is an opportunity for me and I need to seize it! absorb it and find the beauty in it… despite the pain & the tears.

I’m but human. I feel. The journey to waiting and prayer led me to silence and just listen to Him. He’s my teacher and each day I hear something from Him. He is my comfort. He is my peach. He is my strength and He pushes me to move… and stand my ground.

He pushes me to wait until the day comes… and to enjoy praying and be transformed by it! I am beginning to understand things, yet I realized there’s still much to learn. Life is short to be passive. People pass by not too often so I better make the most out of relationships. Opportunities to learn that I may have a better future may not come again, so despite the agony… I need to grab the chance to learn.

I don’t know the end to this journey… it may never even come. It may even end the other way around. But i have now… this moment to wait until what I’m waiting for comes… and I have to enjoy my conversation, consultation and learning from the God… who at the same time has His ready hands, shoulders and embrace to comfort and affirm me. Without God….I would definitely be nothing. 

*note from streams in the dessert