It took more than just a tear drop to ask the Lord “why me?” I intended it not to sound as if I’m angry at Him… no I’m not. I just wanted to know the purpose… the why…
I can say that in the area of brokenness, and pain… I’m an expert. Ask me about it and I can recount to you countless moments when I cried, fell on my knees and spent days and nights alone just talking to Him and imagining my head on His lap. Maybe He enjoyed that moment of my undivided attention so it kept coming.
But sometimes it’s just soo hard to fall and realize you’re left feeling unworthy of everything. And I don’t know how to explain it all but in the middle of tears and sobs, I hear Him calling me for something. Isn’t that a little ironic? The more I am broken the more I can hear His voice…
My quiet talks with Him lately, and reflective moments (that comes with age), made me see who I am in front of Him. It made me analyze the wrong turns that I’ve taken and those times that I took the wheel of my life from Him. Plus the circumstances of disobedience… Each day He makes me see the real cost of being a disciple and follower. Learning from the lives of those whom He has chosen in the New Testament, I saw just how unworthy I am to be called. But they learned… and now I should learn from it too. I should take those characteristics and use it in the context of how I’m living my life.
Reading their lives and how the Lord called them sounded so easy… but as I experience this character & heart clean-up by the Lord, it can never be harder than how it was for Peter, John, or James then… Now, I have them as examples so I would know what to do… maybe I shouldn’t make it that hard for me… maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself… am I ? Or am I too laid back?
Just before I wrote this, I read Jesus’ encounter with His disciples while they were trying to catch some fish. It was, I believe, the third time he appeared to them after He raised from the dead. (John 21)… and after that I felt ashamed… I had sooo little trust and sooo big doubts. I doubted that the Lord will work out my life… I’m soo bad… and He talked to me in that chapter! He reminded me that He is bigger than any doubt in my mind. I was even in awe when a woman mentor in church whom I look up a lot to (not to mention listen a lot to) said something to me about the cross. God never fails and He will not forsake us.. He still can do His plan no matter what it caused…He made a move once on the cross to show us His everlasting love for us…my dear...don't despair.
Just seeing the word cross made me bow down in humility… that I am really weak and can’t do anything no matter how hard I work. I have doubts and fears yes, but the great sacrifice He made on the cross is so powerful. That my God is still in control of everything. Isn’t it comforting to know? That He is in-charge of my life no matter what. Oh why couldn’t I trust Him more!!!
The disciples had too much hard encounters with Him. They also had heart-clean-ups. They were broken, they defiled, they had doubts too… but they were called to be His servants. They were asked to obey and to follow because of His love. The love that can surpass the love this empty world has made us see…
I am weak yes, not even worthy of anything… but His great love, as shown on the cross, has made me able to do all these things
I can say I am broken, even have a contrite spirit… but I can hear Him calling me… not just an instrument but a servant… I can feel and see His work in me… I just need strength.
“But God wants people who are broken-hearted, broken-minded, broken-prided”
Oswald Chambers
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted,
I can say that in the area of brokenness, and pain… I’m an expert. Ask me about it and I can recount to you countless moments when I cried, fell on my knees and spent days and nights alone just talking to Him and imagining my head on His lap. Maybe He enjoyed that moment of my undivided attention so it kept coming.
But sometimes it’s just soo hard to fall and realize you’re left feeling unworthy of everything. And I don’t know how to explain it all but in the middle of tears and sobs, I hear Him calling me for something. Isn’t that a little ironic? The more I am broken the more I can hear His voice…
My quiet talks with Him lately, and reflective moments (that comes with age), made me see who I am in front of Him. It made me analyze the wrong turns that I’ve taken and those times that I took the wheel of my life from Him. Plus the circumstances of disobedience… Each day He makes me see the real cost of being a disciple and follower. Learning from the lives of those whom He has chosen in the New Testament, I saw just how unworthy I am to be called. But they learned… and now I should learn from it too. I should take those characteristics and use it in the context of how I’m living my life.
Reading their lives and how the Lord called them sounded so easy… but as I experience this character & heart clean-up by the Lord, it can never be harder than how it was for Peter, John, or James then… Now, I have them as examples so I would know what to do… maybe I shouldn’t make it that hard for me… maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself… am I ? Or am I too laid back?
Just before I wrote this, I read Jesus’ encounter with His disciples while they were trying to catch some fish. It was, I believe, the third time he appeared to them after He raised from the dead. (John 21)… and after that I felt ashamed… I had sooo little trust and sooo big doubts. I doubted that the Lord will work out my life… I’m soo bad… and He talked to me in that chapter! He reminded me that He is bigger than any doubt in my mind. I was even in awe when a woman mentor in church whom I look up a lot to (not to mention listen a lot to) said something to me about the cross. God never fails and He will not forsake us.. He still can do His plan no matter what it caused…He made a move once on the cross to show us His everlasting love for us…my dear...don't despair.
Just seeing the word cross made me bow down in humility… that I am really weak and can’t do anything no matter how hard I work. I have doubts and fears yes, but the great sacrifice He made on the cross is so powerful. That my God is still in control of everything. Isn’t it comforting to know? That He is in-charge of my life no matter what. Oh why couldn’t I trust Him more!!!
The disciples had too much hard encounters with Him. They also had heart-clean-ups. They were broken, they defiled, they had doubts too… but they were called to be His servants. They were asked to obey and to follow because of His love. The love that can surpass the love this empty world has made us see…
I am weak yes, not even worthy of anything… but His great love, as shown on the cross, has made me able to do all these things
I can say I am broken, even have a contrite spirit… but I can hear Him calling me… not just an instrument but a servant… I can feel and see His work in me… I just need strength.
“But God wants people who are broken-hearted, broken-minded, broken-prided”
Oswald Chambers
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted,
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
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